The Age Old Question

Which is more appetizing: shit-covered jelly or jelly-covered shit?

Shit-covered jelly seems like the obvious choice. Usually, the item being covered makes up the majority of the delicacy. With chocolate-covered strawberries, it is 80% strawberry, 20% chocolate. So, you would mostly be eating jelly, with just a small handful of shit.

On the other hand, enjoyable food is all about first impressions. With jelly-covered shit, the first taste is the jelly. So, for those few seconds, it would all jelly, all deliciousness. Only later would you discover the shit.

But then again, some might argue that enticing food is all about the after-taste that it leaves. Clearly, the winner in this category is the shit-covered jelly. The shit would be out of the way by the time the jelly had a lasting effect on your taste buds.

However, when it comes to appearances, another huge part of any delectable treat, jelly-covered shit wins hand-down. Something covered in shit looks repulsing. Something covered in jelly looks scrum-diddly-umptious. If you're trying to pick which one to eat from a box of sugary snacks while relaxing in your recliner watching Sportscenter, your eye is going to tell you to choose the jelly-covered shit.

The conclusion: there is no right or wrong choice. Together, no matter which is inside or outside, they make an unbeatable combination. Seperate, they are nothing. In other combinations, they are merely okay. Jelly with peanut butter is nice, but nothing special. Shit in the toliet makes too much sense. But, as a union, they have the power to surpass the hot dog and the hamburger as the American delicacy.